International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women

Violence Against Women and Girls     

November 25 each year proclaims The International Day for Eliminating Violence Against Women. For me, it is a sad day as I read about the plethora of startling statistics from around the world documenting the horror of murders, attacks, and suffering of women in diverse countries, including our own. The 2024 United Nations report on this subject estimate that globally 736 million women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence. The Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice and Accountability reported in 2022 that 184 women and girls in Canada were violently killed, primarily by men. One woman or girl is killed every 48 Hours. An average of 102 women and girls were victims of gender-related homicide per year in Canada. In 2009 the Canadian Department of Justice stated that 7.04 billion dollars was spent dealing with the aftermath of spousal violence alone. In countries such as Afghanistan, the freedom of women to study, work, travel, or be protected from violence is non-existent. 

However, public protests, stories, and reports have been effective in reducing sexual violence in Canada. Women’s persistence in reporting sexual abuse in universities and places of work has achieved results.  Complaints about police abusing women are now taken seriously.  Progress has been slow in changing, practices in the Armed Forces to provide justice for women, but there is progress. The “Me Too” movement has encouraged women to speak about abuse and demand justice. Women are more likely to complain of abuse and seek justice without being ignored.

I have observed how women have stopped abuse by changing themselves. Some women have told me how one day they decided that they would no longer tolerate spousal abuse. Their firm declaration of this brought an end to the abuse. A woman who ends an abusive relationship without changing herself is likely to repeat the pattern with a subsequent partner. On one occasion, I asked a client who was in an abusive relationship, how she had taught her first husband that it was all right for him to beat her up.  After a startled reaction, she exclaimed: “I guess I let him get away with it the first time”.  I asked how she stopped the abuse and she replied: “I left him.”  She then began to pay attention to how her failure to listen to what she felt or wanted left her open to the unreasonable demands and abusive treatment by others, including her current partner. Her decision to change brought results. She discontinued allowing herself to be the subject of abuse or the unreasonable demands of friends and relatives.

Women have been indoctrinated to be caregivers and prioritize the needs of others.  We cannot solve the widespread problem of violence against women but we can help women, particularly young women, to respect their own freedom and dignity so that they are less likely to be subject to abusive partners, friends, and relatives.

Today we unite to End Violence against Women. #NoExcuse

-Sister Patricia McKeon, CSJ

The Blessing of Memories

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they are called memories. Some take us forward, they are called dreams. ”
— Jeremy Irons

Today, my heart was touched by the blessing of memories. The month of November offers me several occasions to think of my departed loved ones, All Souls Day, All Saints Day, and the anniversary of my mom’s death on the 19th.

As I recalled my loved ones, the phrase of our Jewish neighbours,  “May her or his memory be a blessing,” came to mind. One of the gifts of longer years is the treasure-house built up of memories to access, to be enjoyed. The beautiful human ability to evoke times, places, and relationships is indeed, as our faith companions often say, a blessing.

I invite you to recall one particular memory stored in your heart’s treasure house of memories today and behold the blessing.

-Nancy Wales, CSJ

IMAGES: Unsplash/Nathan Dumlao; Alex Guillaume

Celebrating Mother St. John Fontbonne

Love in the Underground

Mother St. John’s Anniversary of Death, November 22

Most of us are stunned with the recent results of the U.S. election.  For us Canadians, it is almost unbelievable that such a majority of Americans, our friends and allies, could choose Donald Trump over an excellent, integrous and forward-looking candidate like Kamala Harris.  How could this happen?

I won’t join the hordes of pundits who are trying to analyze what the Democrats did wrong, or what the Republicans did right.  What interests me, is just what is going on world-wide that makes this happening understandable?

The world’s pulse shows us a global shift to the far right, politically.  Many countries have had elections in the recent months and nearly all have opted to oust the incumbent, and choose someone farther to the right, more conservative, a party or an individual who promises to “make America great again”, “fix what is broken”, or “restore common sense” and make things stable the way they used to be.

People everywhere are experiencing chaos on many levels: floods, hurricanes, typhoons, volcanic eruptions, wildfires; housing crises, rising interest rates, economic instability, political polarization and upheaval of many kinds. Even the Catholic Church is experiencing the revolt of some Bishops and rebellion against Pope Francis’ leadership. Chaos seems to reign.

This is a scary moment to be alive. Folks are looking for something, someone, who can restore some order and stability. And so, they reach for someone who looks like a strong leader, who seems very sure of him/herself, confident and unafraid.  So they vote for an apparently strong leader, one whom they think will take charge, get a grip on things and bring them back to “normal”, i.e. the known, the secure, the stable. Of course, we all want stability and predictability. 

However, that impulse will not give us what we are looking for if that leader takes us in the wrong direction. Going back is not the way forward.  Helping us to ruin the environment even faster than at our current rate, will not bring us more stable global temperatures.  Deporting our countrymates, bullying other nations, reacting with force will not bring about peace.  Manipulating the markets for our own profit, will not produce economic stability.  These actions proceed from fear and end up producing more fear. “He who lives by the sword will die by the sword.”

Species that survive as the world evolves are not those that cling to their old ways of behaving, but those that adapt, change, and find new ways of doing things.  These species are not acting out of fear, but out of an urgency to survive.  Those that survive are not the majority, but they are the ones that make it to the next stage in the evolutionary process.

The earth and the universe proceed from Love and thrive on love.  When fear is the major dynamic at work, we need to counter that fear with creativity, bonding, mutual assistance, i.e. love, hope, trust, and gentle confidence.  In this war of world-views, “moving with love” is our way forward.  During the Second World War, thousands of people refused to cooperate with the Reich, by quietly working underground, harboring Jews, forging false documents to create new identities for them, carrying messages to the allied forces, and generally reaching across the divide, to do good, to be who they believed they were and wanted to be into the future. In time, that underground swell helped to carry the day.  Today we are called to be the underground, cooperating with the universe in its evolution into Love:  under the lies, to speak truth; under the hatred, to spread love, under the bullying to stand up for the undocumented, or the minorities, under the vociferous far-right of some versions of Christianity, to live the Gospel truth of love, compassion, inclusion and sharing.  It’s not glamorous.  It’s not big screen, but it is effective.  And it is Gospel. 

Mother St.John Fontbonne

Mother St. John and her Sisters lived through the reign of terror of the French Revolution.  Their moment in history took them there.  Our moment in history takes us here, now.  Will we react with fear, or keep on “moving with love”?

-Sister Mary Diesbourg, csj

Talking to a Stranger

Put Aside the Old Adage

With our childhood days behind us, it’s time to put aside an earlier message, “Don’t talk to strangers.” I’m hoping you are already aware that the week of November 18-25 is designated as Talk To A Stranger Week. But just in case you haven’t heard about it, hopefully, I can help you get up to speed. The week is intended to tout the positive advantages of reaching out to others and encouraging Canadians to try to engage with others. Something as simple as saying good morning, smiling, or striking up a conversation with someone unknown to us, displays trust. These friendly gestures have been correlated to individual well-being, thereby making a difference in our daily life and the lives of other people.

A 2021 Canadian Social Connection Survey highlighted that those who said they talked to a stranger just once a week were up to three times happier than those who didn’t speak to strangers. While this finding may seem unbelievable to some, other research suggests that only 20% of Canadians talk to strangers each day and it is nearly 100% of the time that both parties are happy that the exchange happened.  

Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, a Canadian researcher at the University of Sussex, suggests that a simple chat with a stranger can:​ improve well-being, make us happier, increase a sense of connection and improve levels of trust. Her research also indicates that practicing conversations with strangers for at least a week can reduce the fear of rejection and boost confidence!

For our well-being and that of others - let’s initiate reaching out to others. With the world as it is, don’t we all want a boost of confidence and a greater sense of belonging?

-Sister Nancy Wales, CSJ