While keeping watch at the bedside of a dying friend, the nurse’s question, “is she still comfortable?” rings out at intervals. Though obviously well intended, oddly, this question jars my soul. How can there be anything 'comfortable' about dying, I ask myself. Like a persistent earworm, I cannot quell the question. 'Still comfortable?' gnaws at my heart.
Caring family and friends surround this woman we love, offering each other comfort during this painful time. There it is again, ‘comfort’. It brings to mind the profound question Paula D'Arcy recently posed during her Kings College lecture, Divine Love in Challenging Times. "What if you can meet pain and find it is a doorway to the real God?"
That is the question, “what if you can?” Life is often not comfortable. We all experience heart wrenching pain and loss at some time in our lives. We all grieve. As Paula reminded us, "grief puts you into a new universe”. What sustains you and me in this new, not very comfortable universe? Do those times of darkness offer hidden treasure? They do, if we let them. When we slow down, our eyes open to look at life, to really see and pay attention to what is there. We will become aware that pain teaches us, that it is a doorway. When we step through it, we will discover that if we really know and walk with God, nothing can defeat us. We will find that divine love surrounds us in those challenging times.
Have you ever used one of those trusty Singer sewing machines? If you did, you will have vivid memories of the intricacy of threading your machine. According to Paula, threading a sewing machine is a great analogy for learning how to thread the machine of our lives. As a young child she was eager to learn how to sew a dress. One day, fabric and pattern in hand, off she went to a teacher in the hope of sewing that dress. Yes, you guessed it. The entire first lesson was devoted to learning the intricacies of threading the machine. It was not comfortable. However, that lesson many years ago proved to be a life lesson on the importance of threading the machine of life with love and compassion. If we thread it carefully with an abundance of love and compassion for ourselves and others, then when the thread on the spool of our life comes to its end, we will cross the threshold with a measure of comfort.
So here we are, friends gathered at the bedside of a woman we cherish. She is about to cross the threshold into a new life. Over the past eighty years, she has threaded the machine of her life with great love and care. Now she is painfully stitching the last threads of her life’s tapestry. As I watch the slender oxygen tube which makes my friend’s final breaths more comfortable, I am reminded of the thread of her life so intricately interwoven with ours. All is peaceful. There is nothing to fear.
Inspired by the life my friend has lived, I recall a question the great poet Mary Oliver posed, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Will you thread the machine of your life with love and tenderness? When we do, on that final day, we will find comfort.
Guest Blogger: Sr. Magdalena Vogt, cps