Experiencing a significant loss implies that one could be accompanied by a constant and perhaps unwelcome companion for a long time - Her name is Grief. She is always present, sometimes in a remote corner of my soul like an imposter, and at other times pounding on my heart like a wood cutter. Her presence deepens my sorrow as she evokes sacred memories which can cause interior weeping or a flowing of tears. A feeling of powerlessness can be overwhelming when new questions surface: "who am I now?" "How can I go on?" "Why did she/he have to die?" The struggle to be who I was is not possible, the question of who I am breaks my heart because there is no answer. Where do I go in this abyss? How do I live again? Where is God? In time - and there is no set time, but, yes, in time, that inner turmoil gradually softens to a quiet acceptance of the loss and the reality that I will find myself again even in the emptiness. In the darkness of solitude where I am able to center myself, silence becomes a great refuge, an anchor, a healer. It is in this sacred space that my Beloved gives me the strength to trust that life will get better because I have discovered an inner resilience that gives me a desire for new life even in this vulnerable state, this aloneness. Alfred Tennyson's words are comforting; "Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, "it will be happier". Jesus' words, bring solace and comfort, "Blessed are those who mourn, they will be comforted." May you experience the healing power of Jesus in your life this November.
Pat Hogan, CSJ