Celebrating Our Grandparents and Elders

Celebrating Our Grandparents and Elders

In 1969, a 9-year-old boy wrote to President Richard Nixon asking the President to consider naming one day a year to celebrate grandparents.  The idea from this youngster took another 8 years before the US Senate signed legislation into law proclaiming that the First Sunday after Labor Day would be known as National Grandparents Day.

In January 2021, Pope Francis established a World Wide Day to honor and recognize grandparents and the elderly. This day will take place yearly on the 4th Sunday in July close to the Feast Day of St Anne and St. Joachim, the grandparents of Jesus.   Pope Francis, in establishing this day, wanted to remind all of us of the role that our grandparents and elders have played in helping each of us develop into mature adults.

“hearing the words “I love you” seemingly for no reason at all”

Having a chance recently to ask some friends and family members who are grandparents “what is the best thing about being a “Nana or Papa” – “a Nona or Nonno”  - “a grandma or granddad?”  All of them said, “it was the best time in their lives and sometimes it was one of the most difficult.”  The best times included sleepovers;  cheering on the grandkids at baseball and hockey games; cooking their favorite foods which included lots of ice cream and pizza;  playing laser tag (and letting them win); as well as receiving spontaneous hugs and hearing the words “I love you” seemingly for no reason at all but just for being present.

Some of the difficult times came when hurts were expressed from not being included in a game at school;  being bullied in the schoolyard or on the ice rink – and as the grandparent, we needed to offer words of encouragement and show examples of treating those who hurt them with kindness.  Other times came when they were confronted by an unexpected family breakdown and as a grandparent being called to listen to the feelings of confusion as they were expressed; being there when sudden death came of a pet or a sibling or another grown up.  “We just did not want our grandkids to suffer hurts or sadness so, as their Nana and Papa, we wanted to take the hurt away as best as we could.”

“Angels cannot be everywhere and that is why God created grandparents”

I noticed a small plaque on the side table at the home of a friend.  It reads: “Angels cannot be everywhere and that is why God created grandparents.”  In listening to her grandchildren – actually teenagers now - who have come through the days of childhood - talking about their jobs, their girlfriends/boyfriends, and their new interests brought a smile to the face of the “esteemed grandparent who could proudly claim ‘I had something to do with this person – and WOW did I do a great job!”

The flower named to honor our grandparents and elders is the Forget-me-Not.   A rather appropriate flower to recall and remember times with our grandparents and the elders in our families as we celebrate their day on September 12, 2021. 

-Sister Ann MacDonald, CSJ

Mingling Our Tears Together

The National Day of Vigils to Remember Murdered and Missing Aboriginal Women on October 4th, began with the research that was conducted by Amnesty International. The researcher was an LLM, Bevery Jacobs, a Faithkeeper in the Seneca Longhouse on the Six Nations Reserve, in 2001. She travelled across the country to gather stories of missing and murdered Aboriginal women. She worked with Elders to compile the Stolen Sisters Report which ended up as two Reports for Amnesty International in 2002.

My sister, Debbie Sloss-Clarke was one of those women who was murdered in Cabbagetown, Toronto, in the summer of 1997. She was living there and was overcoming her addictions, dependency and Post Traumatic Stress she suffered from a car accident. She was cultivating her identity and her culture and we would take her to Elders Gatherings, ceremonial events and such. So, when she was murdered, the Police did not notify the next of kin because she was (1) Aboriginal; (2) she was a woman; (3) she was known on the 'street;' (4) she was a known drinker and druggie to the Police. So, the police never really investigated her death and continued to dehumanize her, when my sister, Kathy, who lives in Toronto, went to the morgue to identify Debbie's decomposing body. She asked the Toronto Police what happened to her, and the reply was a curt, "She liked to party." This response was an objectification of her life and this "blame the victim mentality" was a further degradation of her representation. So, my husband contacted Bev Jacobs in 2000 to let her know that Debbie's death was a traumatic event in our family, as we weren't able to feel, we were not able to hear, we were emotionally upset at the mention of her memory and name, and we could not talk about her. So, Bev came to see us, she interviewed us, and she helped bring our family together for a healing weekend retreat to be able to grieve her journey home to the SPIRIT world. We released her SPIRIT and we feasted her, and we did a proper condolence and ceremony to help her go home. We thank Bev Jacobs for her tutelage. 

When Bev became the new President of the Native Women's Association of Canada, she knew that the Sisters in SPIRIT campaign had to be initiated by the NWAC, which it was, in 2004, on Parliament Hill in Ottawa. Bev was elected President in 2003. My niece, Laurie Clarke-LaCrosse and I began to attend the SIS initiatives across the country to bring attention to Debbie's life and humanity. Laurie was Debbie's daughter. There is a brother, Len, as well in Debbie's family. We went to Vancouver, and all the way to New Richmond, a Mi'kmaq community on the Gaspe Peninsula in Quebec. My husband and I were at several family gatherings where we helped the families by conducting a traditional "Condolence" Ceremony for the families of these Sisters who were taken from us. We began to help with gatherings on the December 6th Montreal Massacre Anniversary, the February 14 V-Day anti-violence day across the country and International Women's Day on March 8^th.

Our family is healing and we want to thank the Native Women's Association of Canada, the Amnesty International, KAIROS, and other agencies who have helped bring us together to "mingle our tears together." In our family, we have five girls and two boys. We have been pre-deceased by the deaths of two of our sisters, Debbie being one of them, and a brother. Our surviving siblings are our oldest brother John Sloss, myself - Mary Lou Smoke, my sisters Kathy Angus; Roxanne Gibbs, and Sue Contant. We still get together for family occasions to celebrate each other’s lives. Recently our niece, Debbie's daughter, Laurie Clarke-LaCrosse was married on September l9th, in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario. Debbie's SPIRIT was with our family on this happy occasion. We sang her favourite song to her. "The Cherokee Morning Song"  

Dan and Mary Lou Smoke