During the years of my hospital chaplaincy, I frequently wondered which is more difficult to bear, a physical or a mental illness. As distortions of reality are common symptoms of many psychiatric conditions, whenever I engaged with patients struggling with mental illness, it was challenging to grasp what their perception of reality was. While I respected and acknowledged what they considered to be real, it was vital to get some sense of what was real and what was distorted due to their illness.
Even for those of us not suffering from any psychiatric condition, it can be a challenge to face situations where it can be difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not. We are all familiar, with ‘fake news’ à la Trump. Ad nauseam on social media and elsewhere these days we have been inundated with false information leaving us unsure about what is or is not real. Take advertising of cosmetics, for instance. In a variety of different ways, both subtle and not so subtle, we are plied with gimmicks about the magical properties of cosmetics. More than ever before, our world is rife with distorted realities, virtual realities, photoshopped realities, to just name a few.
Yes, of course, we all know distorted or false perceptions of reality have always been part of the human condition. Just think how often we not only tell ourselves lies but also know from experience that we see things as we are not as they are. At times, we choose to see things through rose coloured glasses, as perhaps we might do when we speak about someone in a eulogy highlighting all the good of the deceased, creating an incomplete picture of that person. At other times, we might speak unkindly about someone’s faults or weaknesses, failing to paint the full, true picture of who that person is.
“we see things as we are, not as they are”
If we own that even under normal circumstances our perceptions of reality can be distorted, just think of the impact this almost yearlong pandemic has had on our perception of reality. We keep talking about this new reality of our lived experience permeating our entire world. So, what is this real new reality? Naturally, the way you see it is not the same as I see it, for we see things as we are, not as they are. For people everywhere, during this pandemic, the world feels bleaker. Though so many of us are tired of the miserable drudgery of unchanging days and restless nights, for us in the northern hemisphere midwinter adds to the bleakness of our days. In other parts of the world where folks enjoy the warmth and sunshine of midsummer, things may possibly not look quite as bleak.
““What we do see depends mainly on what we look for.”
John Lubbock”
That things beyond our control hugely impact our lives, is a given. However, as we know, we still have a choice in how we view even those things beyond our control. Though I am tempted to borrow Shakespeare’s phrase to dub my situation as ‘the winter of my discontent’ (or should that read the year of my discontent) might there be another way of looking at it? No, not through rose coloured glasses but rather with a mindset that prompts me to remember that “What we do see depends mainly on what we look for.” (John Lubbock) Granted, that is easier said than done, especially during these days of the pandemic that can dredge up all sorts of negative thoughts that blind us to what is real.
Our minds can play tricks on us, as can our feelings and it is helpful to remind ourselves during these trying times of distorted realities, not to believe everything our minds and feelings tell us. I have a fondness for A. A. Milne’s character Eeyore with his low mood, distaste for social situations, and not being in the best frame of mind much of the time. He tends to show a distrust for others always expecting the worst out of people and situations. Does his personality perhaps reflect how we feel off and on during this pandemic? I certainly have had my moments of such a distorted view of life during this pandemic. In moments like these, it can feel as if an emotional contra-band sneaks into one’s mind, threatening to take over. The million-dollar question is, how do we extract ourselves from the clutches of these false perceptions? During these difficult times, when we at times fail to see reality for what it really is, there may not be an easy, instant remedy. With grace, patience, and the loving support of a beloved soul friend, however, we can restore our inner equilibrium and vision to help us see more clearly.
True, in our lifetime we will never have a perfect, unbiased vision of reality. Since we bring our personality, our history, our life experience to all the situations we encounter, they colour the perception of everything we perceive. We can only hope that, as St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “Now that which we see is as if we were looking in a broken mirror. But then we will see everything. Now I know only a part. But then I will know everything in a perfect way.” (1 Cor. 13:12) For now, however, let us hold onto the promise in John's prologue that the light shines in the darkness and the darkness does not overwhelm it. That is a promise we all need to see fulfilled.
-Sister Magdalena Vogt, cps