The legacy of the late beloved poet, Mary Oliver, was her rare and amazing ability to turn our usual thought patterns inside out and upside down. As boxes of chocolates fly off the shelves for Valentine’s Day, a friend gave me one of Oliver’s modicums of wisdom.
The Uses of Sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
That this, too, was a gift.
Imagine someone you love, gives you a box of darkness instead of delicious chocolates for Valentine’s. What would you make of such a gift? Would you welcome it? While I was reflecting on this poem, I happened to stumble upon Nelson Fernandez’s blog ‘A box of Darkness’. Reflecting on Oliver’s poem, ‘The Uses of Sorrow’, he relates it to the testimony of someone who discovered how precious all of life is when he found his box full of darkness. He writes:
I recently came across a comment from an individual who reported having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He concluded that although the resulting PTSD stuck with him for at least 4 years, the accident instantly made him decide to never waste the gift of life, so, he got both Post-Traumatic Stress and Post-Traumatic Growth. That accident became a defining moment for him.
This coined phrase, Post-Traumatic Growth, succinctly reinforces the gift of growth in darkness which is at the heart of Mary Oliver’s poem. In reflecting upon my life, I too can attest to what I have discovered tucked into my own experiences of darkness. Within them, I grasped a deeper awareness of my own resilience, a greater sense of myself and even a deeper empathy for others. Usually, with time, the darkness of pain fades, but wisdom remains. Let me conclude with a quote by one of my favourite authors, Joyce Rupp. In her book Little Pieces of Light, she prays the following with a grateful heart: “Yes, I thank you for my darkness, (the unwanted companion I shun and avoid) because this pushy intruder comes with truth and reveals my hidden treasures to me.”
I hope someone gives you a beautifully wrapped box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. However, one day someone may also bless you with the gift of a box of darkness. What gift of sweetness might you discover in such a gift?
- Nancy Wales, csj