BEST FRIENDS
Think back to your childhood – a time when for most, kindergarten paintings feature straight-lined skies of blue, grasses of green with vast amounts of space between filled with all manner of imaginings. Time and friendships seem eternal and so energizing that we feel we will always have that one BFF, best friend forever. But something happens as we mature. The horizon expands self-perception and our understanding of the world and community deepens. Needs change as may the concept of friendship; in fact, many do not survive the constant changes both friends inevitably undergo.
I have moved so often between cities and sometimes countries that friendships could have become superficial and transient merely as a self-protective measure against loss. But a few have remained for a lifetime even though time and distance have separated us. I often wonder about these particular friendships -- what makes them special compared to others that have been let go?
My dear friend, Elizabeth, is one such person. We met when we were eight or nine at a girls’ school in Scotland. We couldn’t have been more different in personality or come from dissimilar backgrounds. I was the wild Canadian from the colonies; she was the very proper Scottish young lady with a hint of nobility in the family’s background. Perhaps we opened each other’s eyes to a whole new way of seeing the world? Curiosity and non-judgmental awe at each other’s uniqueness and difference definitely formed the backbone of this friendship and continues to this day.
When my family returned to Canada, Elizabeth and I made a solemn vow to remain friends and keep in touch forever – as do many children – but we took this ‘vow’ seriously. Over the years, we have seen each other in person perhaps seven or eight times but the friendship remains miraculously strong thanks to letter writing and telephone calls. We have cried with each other through life’s trials far more than either of us cares to admit, offering each other support by actively listening not only to what is said, but also unsaid. We have welcomed each other’s children into our hearts as if they were our own and accompanied each other on our spiritual journeys although they follow very different paths. I will never forget Elizabeth’s horror when I said how delighted I was to enter the crone years! She interpreted crone as witch or hag and my delight in reaching this stage of life was incomprehensible to her. When my dear mother died, Elizabeth flew to Canada and together in prayer and thanksgiving we created and conducted the very private burial service that was held for Mum.
Like our mothers before us, we, too, now are aging and the ravages of time are insinuating their way into our relationship. Elizabeth is experiencing small hints of memory issues and I continue to experience the symptoms and side effects of a chronic disease. It is unlikely that we will see each other in person again but the blessings of our friendship continue. Little did we know but in making that childhood vow we had unconsciously invited Spirit into the relationship so that all that has followed is bathed in the holy water of Grace and Infinite Love. Because of that, this beautiful Trinitarian relationship will continue whether on this earthly plane or the one to come.
Susan Jeffers wrote, “As we open our hearts to others, we begin to discover the truth of our own inner beauty, inner strength and inner light” and become at one with the God-Within-Us. Yet at the same time, we die to self to welcome in the other. Through this humbling acceptance of each other, our lives have been richer and our worlds infinitely expanded beyond space and time. “All is gift, my friend, a gift from our loving God” (Kathy Sherman, csj).
Susan Hendricks, Sisters of St Joseph Associate
Nazareth Community, Peterborough.